I'm about to turn in for the night, and I'm filled with so many emotions. The day has come...our final chance of avoiding the shutdown and layoffs has come and gone. I am, officially, laid off (along with 35,000 other state employees, including my mom, my aunt and two cousins, along with friends and co-workers I care about deeply). I don't like this feeling. I can honestly say, I never in a million years thought I would be in this position. I was fortunate to get a temporary summer position at my work shortly after graduating high school. I was even more fortunate to be asked to stay on permanently, and 10 years later, here we are. Working for the government is no cake walk or free ride by any means, but it's nearly impossible to get fired...yet, here I am. Essentially fired. I won't even be there to celebrate my 10 year anniversary with the Department, which is next Tuesday.
Today was a very difficult day. The building was full, but there was an eery silence echoing through the building, you could see the stress and emotions on the face of everybody you passed. While a majority of employees worked hard to keep a positive attitude, keep a sense of humor about themselves and work through the stress, it was a very somber day. As I got ready this morning, I honestly felt like I was getting ready for my last day of school. Like I was about to say goodbye for the summer to all of my friends.
We pretty much knew this morning that it was a done deal. The [democratic] Governor and the republican leaders have been meeting in secret for a while now, and once they finally come to an agreement, they will need to call back the entire legislature, vote on each individual bill and pass them into law. That all takes time, so there was no way it would happen. Our Department started shutting down rest areas yesterday, construction sites have been working on closing down for several days now...the wheels have been in motion.
As quitting time approached, I set my out of office reply on my e-mail, recorded the standard voicemail we were instructed to use, and I dropped my badge in the office envelope on my way out the door. As I walked to my car, I watched a sea of employees leave the building with their boxes and bags of personal belongings, their plants...each with a slightly lost look about them. I got in my car and pulled out of the lot, for the last time in who knows how long, and all of the emotions finally erupted. I let out a few tears and all of the fears started to set in.
What's going to happen now? How long will we be out of work? Once we go back, what will the future agreed upon budget have in store for us? Are we going to make it? I have a never ending stream of questions running through my head, and they just won't stop.
For now, I choose to focus on the silver linings. I get the chance to spend some much needed quality time with the girls. I have the chance to focus on myself a little bit, get in some nap time work outs and get myself back on track. Depending on how long we're out, I'll have time to get ready for our upcoming Duluth vacation and for Amelia's birthday party, without running around like a chicken with my head cut off. If there was ever a silver lining, this is definitely a good one!
So, that's where I'm at right now. I'm a big ball of emotions and not quite sure what to do with them right now. But, here's a picture of my little baby girl...Olivia was sharing grass with her. Awesome!
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