Well, you read that right. We were hit with a MAJOR
surprise, and found out that we have another little Duran on the way. Of
course, it’s hard to keep it a secret here on the blog – I feel like I’m lying
on my daily updates by never mentioning it! But, we’ve finally gone public, and
it’s time to play some catch-up.
First, some backstory. Three kids….the plan was always
three kids. After Eliza was born, our family was complete. I felt complete.
Yes, it was hard to know that I would never experience pregnancy again. No more
ultrasounds, no more sweet little kicks. It was hard to know that we would
never again have a little, tiny newborn baby in the house, with their sweet
little sounds and that heavenly baby smell. But, we were done. One of my major
goals as a parent is to make sure we can always provide more for our kids than
we had growing up. I want to be able to support them, I want them to experience
life and (while not spoiled) never want for anything. I want them to play
sports, be involved in activities. I want to help pay for their cars when they start driving, help pay for their college education, help pay for weddings (notice HELP, not
do for them). Obviously, the more kids you have, the harder that is to do. So,
we had to make the responsible decision, and be done.
After Eliza was born, I did not go back on birth
control. As with all three kids, my period did not return until 1-2 months
after I was done breastfeeding. There was just nothing to protect against, so I
didn’t want to put the additional hormones into my body. I finished nursing in
April 2015, and my cycle returned in June. Of course, all out of
whack, so I was tracking on an app to see when/where things were settling.
Meanwhile, Christian and I had a conversation, and came to an agreement that he
would get a vasectomy. I had already gone through years of birth control, 3
pregnancies, 1 c-section and 2 vaginal births – I had done ENOUGH! Christian
went in for a physical to start the process (Lord knows when his last one had been), and that’s when
they discovered the lump in his chest. So, the vasectomy was put on hold while
they biopsied, tested and removed the lump. Meanwhile, we were using
alternative forms of birth control…
On November 13, 2015 – we found out that said
alternative form of birth control had failed. Big Time. When I got a glaring
positive pregnancy test. It was a Friday...my Friday off. It was just Eliza and
I. I tested, and, at first, the test appeared to be negative. I had this huge
sense of relief. A couple minutes later, I looked at it again…and it smacked me
in the face…that little second line, staring right back at me. It wasn’t super
dark, but it was there, no doubt about it. I had been having random boughs of nausea, which was my first big telltale with Amelia and Eliza, so something
inside me just knew. I cried. And cried. And cried some more. I was so
overwhelmed, and had no idea what we were going to do. How we were going to
survive. I messaged my sister-friend Dawn for support. I texted Christian – who
took everything much better than I did. I turned to one of my mom’s groups. I
knew that I wouldn’t be going public for quite some time, and needed a support
system in place.
Two days later, I tested again…skipping right ahead to the
good old digital “Pregnant or Not Pregnant” test. Sure enough, almost
immediately, a big old PREGNANT was staring right back at me. There was no question. This was happening. And I was in full panic mode.
I’m an OCD planner…a big picture planner. I can’t
live life day by day. I’m always thinking of the what if’s. I mean, the second
I found out, I’m thinking of daycare and how we can adjust our budget and how
we’re going to make this work. It’s stress…sun-up, to sun-down. Those first few
days….well, first couple of weeks really were just a blur of emotions and
stress, and feeling completely overwhelmed. I finally called the clinic after
about 10 days of letting is sink in, and scheduled my first appointment. With
that, it started to really feel official. Like it or not, this was happening.
Over the next couple of weeks, similarly to my past
pregnancies, the symptoms started to hit, but never anything too horrible.
Nausea on and off all day, worst when driving and in the evening, lack of
appetite, of course exhausted…but nothing unbearable. Around 7 weeks,
everything REALLY kicked in and I was really fatigued and getting really
sick…and SUPER hormonal/emotional. I think between the pregnancy itself and all
of my feelings about it flying around, the emotions started taking a toll. And, as the weeks went on, I started to show. I've always "shown" pretty early, and this time was no different.
On 12/9/15 I had my first appointment. I was filled
with lots of information about what to do, what not to do, when my appointments
would be, what to expect. All of the usual. My blood pressure was sky high and
they were really concerned about that. And, with my weight/fairly recent weight
gain, they were also a little concerned (as expected). My midwife, Ann, came in to chat and get some background and information. I kept wanting to burst into
tears talking about it – I’m having such a hard time accepting everything and
even talking about it. We finished chatting, we did my physical/check-up and
talked about what’s in store for upcoming appointments. She wanted a first
trimester ultrasound next week to date/verify the pregnancy, and then my next
appointment, to check blood pressure and have a screening ultrasound the first
week of January. After my appointment, I was off to the blood to donate a
million vials and blood and pee in a cup. All of the fun stuff. And, finally
made my way back to work.
Shortly after settling back in at work, I received a
call from the doctor’s office. Ann had consulted with the OB team and they
ordered some additional testing. They want me to do a glucose test to check for
diabetes (not gestational, just general), because of my weight/gain, some pre-e
testing, including a 24-hour collection, because of my high blood pressure, and
they want me to be re-cleared by a cardiologist because of my high blood
pressure (I’m guessing it’s also because of my weight).
With how sick I was suddenly feeling, with my
emotions all over the place, and all of these upcoming appointments I’d be
taking off work for, I knew I had to talk to my boss and get it over with. Of
course she was SUPER supportive and worried about me. She made it clear that she'll do anything we can to make sure that I stay healthy and that the
workplace was a safe and happy place. She talked about possibly doing some work
from home and seems to be willing to be flexible there. I had a complete
breakdown in her office, and even though I really hate to get emotional like
that, it felt really good to just let it all out and be upset. It definitely
all came flooding out though. Soon after, I told two other close friends at
work. It was time I had some real live people to talk to about everything.
On 12/15/15 I had my next appointment. It was bright
and early, and I stopped into the Lab first to drink the glucose drink for the
1-hour test. Icky. While that settled, I went to my ultrasound appointment. It
was a quick one, just for dating/verification. She picked baby up right away,
and the little heart was flickering away. I still wasn’t in a great place –
still really emotional and having a hard time accepting everything. But, it was
of course amazing to see. The heart rate was 174bpm, which they said was perfect
for 8 weeks and measuring right where it was supposed to. What I found really
interesting was that the tech was checking my ovaries and everything, making
sure it was all looking good, and she said she could tell the baby “came from”
the left ovary. I never knew you could tell that, cool! After the scan, I was
back down to the lab to wait out the rest of my hour. While I waited, they had
me pee-in-a-up for my pre-e testing, and shortly after it was time for my
glucose blood draw. Then I was sent on my way with my 24-hour collection
“package” and to wait for the results to come in. It was a long day waiting,
but late in the afternoon the results came in. I passed my glucose test with
flying colors, and there didn’t appear to be any protein in my urine analysis
(with either round of testing), so things were looking good!
As the next few weeks progressed, I was definitely
showing more and more, and actually getting more nauseous and sick as the weeks
went on. It seems that has been worse with each pregnancy. By 11 weeks I had
actually lost about 10 pounds from not being able to eat much. I guess that’s
not the end of the world! We finally announced to our parents on Christmas
Eve/Christmas Day. It was nerve-wracking, and while they were all pretty
shocked, and not necessarily super excited at first, they were all pretty
supportive and quickly started to adjust to the news. Quicker than I was,
that’s for sure!
On 1/4/16, I had my second ultrasound and another
blood draw. This was for a “Nuchal Translucency Screening”, basically to check
for signs of Down Syndrome or other genetic disorders. The ultrasound checked
out well, and everything was measuring right on schedule. It was crazy to see
how much the baby had changed in a few weeks, and see it flipping around and
moving in there. Made up for the midnight meeting with the porcelain gods…a
little bit. The screening results were in by the end of the week, and
everything came back negative. Everything continued to progress normally.
On Friday, 1/8/16, I hit 12 weeks and finally
decided to bite the bullet, and go public with the pregnancy. It’s taken a long
time to terms with everything that is going on…to accept that we don’t always
have control over our life plans. I still often can’t believe that this is all
actually happening. So, because I’m having a hard time myself, it’s been hard
to open up to other people about it. On top of that, I wasn’t sure what kind of
reaction we would get from people. Would they be rude? Would they be excited?
Would they thing we were crazy (and point that out)? And, of course, I knew the
boy comments would be the biggest thing. It’s important to me that people don’t
think we’re just “trying to get that boy”…because, 1) we aren’t trying at all,
and 2) I’m perfectly content with my family of girls, and I don’t want that
belittled. I posted our announcement photo on facebook, and I was pleasantly
surprised by the pretty positive response we received. We got a few funny
comments, a lot of people were shocked and surprised, but overall just a lot of
“congrats” and some excited friends. It actually felt relieving to get the news
out there…to not hold it in anymore and just be able to relax. And, actually
getting the support from our friends and family will probably help quite a bit.
Following that, we finally told the girls about the big news. We took a video
and got some pretty priceless reactions from them. We didn’t want to tell them
sooner, because I knew they wouldn’t be able to keep the secret, so it was nice
to finally tell them. Olivia seems really excited, and she’s been asking every day
since if the “new baby” is coming yet. Amelia is pretty wishy-washy on the
topic – I think overall she is not very excited about the idea of another kid
in the house. Eliza obviously doesn’t get it yet…but, I think she’s in for
quite a rude awakening. She’s still so clingy, and requires constant attention…I
don’t know what she’s going to do with a baby in the house, battling for that.
Should be interesting!
So, now that the news is out there, that ends my
novel of a pregnancy announcement. It’s been a long road of acceptance so far,
but overall I feel like time is FLYING by, and this baby is going to be here
before we know it. Life is going to change big time, I think more than we can
even fathom, but with each passing day, I feel like we’re more and more ready
to take the challenge on.
