Parenting Styles
There was a post on one of the parenting groups I follow on Facebook today asking: Do you think “what was good enough for one is good enough for the rest” or do you constantly try to improve on parenting missteps you may have made the first time around? This got me to thinking of just how different our parenting of the girls has been, even in just the 7 months since Amelia was born.
It’s interesting to see the choices parents make. Formula vs. Breastmilk; Forward Facing vs. Rear Facing; Crib vs. Bassinet vs. Co-Sleeping; When to Introduce Solids, the Sippy, Finger Foods. And, it’s interesting to see just how defiant people become about their decisions. And, of course they do, as they should. You make decisions because YOU think they are the right decisions. But, does that mean is always “right”…does that mean that’s the way it “has” to be…does that mean you will make those same decisions with every child you have? I don’t think so.
While I attempted breastfeeding with Olivia, I quickly gave into all of the breastfeeding pitfalls, and gave up. I succumbed to the ease of formula (and ignored the expense of it). Amelia has been 100% breastfed, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I absolutely love it…the bond, the nutritional value, the fact that it’s free. I love all of it. I knew from the moment I became pregnant with her that I would do it, and I would not give up. Being successful with her just makes my mistakes with Olivia even more obvious, and it makes me even more upset with myself. In the end, other than a few ear infections her first year and a cold here and there, Olivia is happy, healthy, smart and full of life. So, I can’t regret my choices too much.
Olivia slept in her bassinet, in our room, for 3 months. We never once “allowed” her to sleep in our bed. At 3 months, she was consistently sleeping through the night and we decided we wanted our room back, so she was moved into her room, into her crib, and I was a wreck. She did great though. It never bothered her, she slept just fine, and we all slept more soundly once we adjusted. Now, you notice I “allowed” is quoted above…well, after having Amelia, I came to the realization that Olivia was a very independent sleeper. She had no NEED to sleep with us, she never needed that comfort, and she was perfectly content in her own beds. Amelia has been a different story. She is 7 months now, is nowhere near “putting herself to sleep”, she does not sleep through the night, she hates her bassinet and because they will need to share a room (and are not ready for that yet), she is still in our room. Well, she is in our bed. I swore I would NEVER let my children sleep in our bed, but, it’s what works for us. We’ve tried…and tried…and tried. She does not like the bassinet, and we don’t know what to do. So, rather than be upset and work ourselves up about it, we’re doing what works for our family at this time. So, when will Amelia be back in her bassinet? When will she move into her room? Who knows. Furthermore, Olivia is well over 2 now, and still happily in her crib. A lot of people think its crazy that she’s still in a crib…I say, why wouldn’t she be? Yes, she is fully capable of climbing out of it, but she doesn’t. So, she safe, secure and confined in her crib, and we feel that’s the best option. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it! She will remain in her crib, until she is consistently climbing out, risking her safety.
We started Olivia on rice cereal at 5 months, and on Gerber jar foods at 6 months. I followed our doctor’s recommendations to the T…no berries (especially strawberries), no honey, so seafood, no nuts, no dairy, no egg whites until 1 year. Well…we started her on whole milk organic yogurt at 9 months, but no other dairy. We started her on veggies (to avoid a sweet, fruit preference), then started on fruits. Then meats, then “people” food. It worked great. She was never the BEST eater, but she ate well and we didn’t have a ton of problems. Well, I now know how useless and nutritionally void rice cereal is, so we did/do not give that to Amelia at all. She was exclusively breastfed until 6 months, as recommended. I make her food myself as I now know how much healthier and cost effective it is to do so. We again started her on veggies, then fruits, and are following the month by month food introduction recommendations closely. She has not had any meats yet, but we’ll be starting them shortly. We’ll again go against recommendations and start the whole milk organic yogurt at 9 months, but again will follow the rest of the rules. So, we made a few big adjustments when it comes to food, but we’re also following a lot of the same rules.
Both girls use disposable diapers. BUT, I would like more knowledge about cloth diapering, and am now very interested in it. If I had the support of our mothers and Christian, I would definitely be going for it. I think it’s so much better for the environment, it’s easier on baby’s bottom’s and in the long run, if you do it right, it’s much cheaper than disposables. If we have another child in the future, I think this is an option I will definitely explore during my pregnancy. It’s something I hope to “improve” in our parenting if we get the chance…even yet with Amelia if I can wrap my head around the whole process and get everybody else on board!
Car seat safety is one thing I’ve ALWAYS been big on (as you could see from my car seat post previously). I was upset that Olivia was on the taller side and outgrew her car seat so early. But, she did rear face for just about 2 years, and I’m happy about that. Unless Amelia has some HUGE growth spurt along the way, she seems to run on the short side of the scale, so I’m hoping she’ll be able to rear face beyond 2 years. It’s something I get funny comments on, funny looks on and something people just don’t understand, but rear facing is such an easy thing to do, and increases their safety in the car so much, that I don’t care what anybody else thinks. So, this is one area I am content in.
Both of our girls are fully vaccinated, on time, on schedule and will continue to be so. This is also one area I will never change or fluctuate in.
In the end, there is one quote that comes to mind and rings so true here: “When you know better you do better” – Maya Angelou. You cannot live your life, especially when it comes to parenting, thinking “Well, my mom did it this way, so I will too”. Things change, research changes, information becomes available, statistics become available, the environment changes. Everything is constantly evolving and changing, so we need to as well. Just because something worked “back then”, does not mean it was or is the best choice. And, just because something works for one child, does not mean it will work for the next. Part of parenting is adjusting and realizing what each child needs individually. It’s OK to admit something was “wrong”, or a “mistake”. It’s OK to adjust your ideas and your way of living as you grow, learn, gain knowledge and become more confident in your own choices.
Here are some pics of the “little mommy” of the house, putting her baby to sleep. Checking her diaper, gently walking her down the hallway, rocking her in the chair for a bit and sashaying over to the crib (before tossing her in). Such a sweet girl.
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